is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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