i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
