my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
