my being single is dangerous.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
