I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Randomize
