I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
