talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
