I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
