It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
