Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
