i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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