How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm too high and old for this...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
