so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
