FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
