so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
