is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
