I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
