if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
