When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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