It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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