1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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