Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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