it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
