Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
