he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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