That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
