I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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