Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just found puke in my bra..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Your cock deserves a montage
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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