the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
