My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
