You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
