Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
