thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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