His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
