Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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