In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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