no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
