my being single is dangerous.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
