I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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