That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I'm really busy with my period
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