i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
