At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
