We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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