Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
