I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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