i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
