cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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