Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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