Your tits are I can't wait for
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
