i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
